12 May 2018 | Gird Thy Loins

Image of man about to throw up

You know it’s coming.

There is no avoiding it.

I will simply call it the Van Jones Moment, named for the CNN contributor who once seriously intoned, “[Donald Tr*mp] became President of the United States in that moment, period.” I don’t recall what the situation was, but it doesn’t matter. Van Jones perfectly summed up the gullibility of the US Media Glitterati to believe that there exists any moment in this universe where Tr*mp can “become” president (outside of the vote of 306 of the stupidest people who are somehow still living in breathing after their Electoral College failure.)

But to what am I referring? There are *so* many things to churn the stomach and bring on that feeling of dread when you shakily make your way to the porcelain throne and stare into it, waiting for that convulsive moment outside your control. I’m referring to the (farcical) summit between Kim Jong-un and Tr*mp. And what *specifically* about this? That the Media Glitterati will have its Van Jones Moment that will be magnified through right-wing media waxing triumphant about “this historic breakthrough” (there won’t be any) and how North Korea is committng (maybe but probably not) to denuclearization is because of Tr*mp and only because of Tr*mp.

Welcome to the vomitorium.

We all know that the unfit, unqualified, racist birther has no idea where the Korean peninsula is, and only vaguely recalls a documentary show called “MASH” about a conflict he didn’t have the pleasure of getting five deferments for. He brings nothing substantive because he is looking for a “win.” And that, reasonable people of all persuasions, is the only thing you will hear about. And not just from the massive right-wing Der Stürmer complex, but from CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and others. Every single of those news outfits will revert to supine form and present this summit through that lens. It’s unavoidable.

Now, will the summit still happen? Who knows? What precisely is the goal? Again, it does not matter because this all about a “win” and while you might secretly hope that Kim Jong-un storms out in disgust, that’s not going to happen either. The right-wing talking point is all you’re going to hear about, and not only will the unfit, unqualified, racist birther squatter in the Oval Office take full credit for it, get ready to also hear the phrase “The Tr*mp Doctrine” start floating around. It’s kinda like the dictionary entry for “to pull a Homer": to succeed despite idiocy. (Also expect Congressional Democrats to offer their support for whatever happens there and give him credit. Think of it as a final spasm you have after upchucking.)

You’ve been duly warned.