02 July 2009 | The Secret Confessions of Saddam Hussein

Well, there it is.

Interviews released by the FBI with formerly alive dictator Saddam Hussein revealed that he was indeed lying about having weapons of mass destruction to offset the threat from Iran.

Anybody with a fucking brain at the time could have seen this. Why would any country openly admit to being vulnerable when they share a border with a bitter enemy with whom they've fought a war? It boggled my mind at the time why no one (at least openly) couldn't see what a threat Iran would be by deposing Saddam Hussein and leaving Iraq just ripe for the picking.

Oh, guess what? That did happen, thanks to the bungling of the stupidest president in U.S. history, George W. Bush.

Why do I say that? Well, let's look at the consequences of our Iraqi Expedition. We went to war under false pretenses, destroyed the country's infrastructure and then stupidly unleashed an insurgent movement that got even more people killed. The Shia, formerly oppressed and now seeking revenge, found themselves in a prime position of power, something that the mullahs in Teheran certainly noticed, licking their bearded chops in delight. With Iraq in shambles, it was the perfect time to increase the Iranian sphere of influence. Don't forget, chimp-in-chief Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the face of the hardline rejectionists who probably pissed their pants with glee at the prospect of America doing their dirty work for them. A hated enemy is gone, the country is weak, and the ratcheting of anti-U.S. sentiment as foreign policy increases exponentially and proves to be excitingly popular. So what are we left with? An Iran that is on the path nuclear weaponry and a strengthened fundamentalist hardline that has no problems cracking the skulls of its annoying opponents to consolidate their power.

It was a gift from heaven, no doubt. Perhaps that's why the mullahs directed their hatred towards Britain lately as a way of thanking America for the incalculable benefits of making sure there is no state to challenge their power.

In a weird way, this validates the claims of the Israelis who keep flitting around screaming, "Danger, danger!" and nobody is listening to them. Iraq is a weak state that can't govern itself. The other Arab countries are about as feckless as ever, probably secretly desiring an Israeli strike against Iran because collectively, they can't do much of anything to stem the growing tide of resurgent Iranian prickliness. And this masterpiece of the absurd has been brought to us by George W. Bush and his wickedly stupid cabal of neoconservatives who apparently got just about everything wrong in their plan to remake the Middle East. They've opened the door to Iranian supremacy in the region and now the mullahs are forcing us through it.

Way to go, assholes! Way to go!